The name burnout implies a sudden shift, the sizzle of a flame extinguished instantly by a drop of water or the hiss and pop of a firecracker as it explodes.  My burnout, however, was a much more insidious process.  I still can’t identify a single moment when I realized I had “burned out” after being a bedside nurse for almost ten years.  It was a slow ebb of joy and empathy with each shift. A blurring of my work into my life outside the hospital walls.  Days after work were dedicated to recovery from the long hours and days leading up to shifts were consumed with managing anxiety about going back in.  My dreams were plagued with ridiculous nursing situations that, in reality, would never happen but emotionally were a way of discharging the massive amounts of stress my brain couldn’t process in waking hours.  It took years of bedside nursing, a pandemic, a handful of travel assignments and a couple months of crying the night before each work day for me to finally admit I needed a change.

Stepping away from the bedside, even temporarily, was a difficult choice. Being a nurse was such a huge part of my identity and burnout is such an accepted state for healthcare workers to work and live in that it was hard to step away without feeling like I had somehow failed the profession.  It has been 2 years since I left bedside nursing and it has taken time and distance to truly understand the burnout process and how to heal from it.  I know burnout is a major problem among healthcare workers and it is a systemic issue compounded by the industry.  I want to help others struggling with burnout by sharing my experience and creating a safe space for people to share and learn from each other.  Burnout is a daunting and complex issue but hopefully you can find some comfort and camaraderie here on The Burn(out) Unit.